Mason Query

  • Mason Query wrote a new post, Blown, on the site MyNorth Community 4 years ago

    ThumbnailBlow Job

    Last week, I spent the better part of the afternoon blowing leaves.It was satisfying in the same way I find ironing relaxing or running my hand back and forth over a velvet pillow to watch the nap […]
  • Mason Query wrote a new post, Big Puss, on the site MyNorth Community 4 years ago

    ThumbnailAs you know, I hate to exert.My cats and I get along just fine. We eat, we nap, we groom ourselves until we are tired and we nap again. After a quick snack.My oldest cat, Hobie, is absloutely ginormous. He is the […]

  • ThumbnailGlen Arbor is a long way away from SoHo, y’all. It’s 45 minutes away from the nearest Wal-Mart even.
    Needless to say, it’s a long, long way away from Navy French Tips.

    I drove home from my manicure Tip tapping […]

  • ThumbnailIt just looked so cute on the girl sitting next to me.
    I was getting my nails done and she had this dead sexy red – just on the tips.
    Like a French manicure? But with color? So more of a Naughty French Maid vib<span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: […]

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    The fresh breath of summer. Crisp, cool mornings erupt into sun-drenched afternoons then dissolve into picture perfect sunsets. The lakes warm to a balmy 62 degrees and fill with hardy wake boarders, skiers, […]

  • ThumbnailIn a fit of pique, I hacked my bangs like a 15 yr old in a love triangle. In fact, I haven’t butchered my hair like this since I was a 15 yr old in a love triangle.
    While I am prone to both the hair brush […]

  • I knew summer was here when my friend, Ivana Shiraz, laughed so hard she snorted out a booger.
    That’s good stuff, my friend. This is not a woman who one would think could even cultivate a booger; much less […]

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    Since I wrote about my fungus failure, I’ve been inundated with offers to take me to some Very Secret Spots. I have to confess that strangers wanting to blindfold me and drive me into isolated areas make me a wee […]

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    There was lightening and thunder last night which, in my book, means it’s spring. I’ve been warned about planting my flower boxes until Memorial Day but I’m pretty sure I can toss the flannel jammies.
    I’m used […]

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    It has come to my attention that certain people think I’m a little too big for my britches.
    I’ll admit to not giving my badonkadonk enough of a vote while shopping. The Girls are loud and it’s two against one. […]

  • ThumbnailIn the grand scheme of things, a booger hanging out of your nose is not monumental. It wasn’t even a very big booger – it was peeking out quite politely, as far as boogers go.
    It’s the discovery that is […]

  • ThumbnailSo, about this cruise….
    We’re on a humongous boat, right? Freedom of the Seas holds something like 4500 passengers. That’s a lotta flesh lolling around on the pool deck, sister.
    And it’s Spring Break so, as […]

  • ThumbnailI’m probably the only person to come home from a cruise less tan than when I left.
    I was religious about schmearing self-tanner on my previously chronicled lily-whiteness. My embarkation photo is sun-basked and […]

  • ThumbnailI’ve been feeling pretty full of myself about the way I’ve weathered
    my first Up North winter.
    I rocked the Yankee Look, with the exception of a couple of lumberjack-style disasters. I didn’t bust my ass on the […]

  • ThumbnailIt’s the middle of March and I’m itching to expose myself.
    If not all of me, at least the long expanse of albino giraffe neck I’ve been hiding under turtlenecks for six months. Okay, four months – whatever. In […]

  • ThumbnailI’ve told you, in gory detail, about all the new experiences I’ve had since shedding my Fudgiedom and staying Up North all permanent-like.
    Last week, I shed my puffy vest and headed back to Texas for a little […]

  • ThumbnailI walked across the lake the other day.Now, before everyone south of Indiana starts bringing me their blind, I need to clarify: the lake was frozen.I know! Frozen enough to walk on!!! It was the first time I had […]

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    Oh honey. The South is alive and well. It’s living in a bar off M-72! Turns out there are Rednecks on this side of the Mason-Dixon, too! Their boots aren’t as pointy but their trucks are just as tall!
    When I […]

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    People who drive slower than me are morons and people who drive faster than me are idiots.”

    Never is that more true than when you’re driving in crappy weather. Snow covered streets, torrential downpours, when […]

  • ThumbnailIn the summer, when all the Fudgies are in town, Michiganders have lots of reasons to laugh. Mostly at the Fudgies. I know this because I’ve seen them point and laugh at me. Just yesterday, in fact.
    In the […]

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